everything....starting from the beginning

So in the beginning it was me age 3, my sister satoria age 4 and my sister towna age 1. My mother abandoned us so we were split up.... I was taken to my dad because I was the only one who's father signed te birth certificate. The other two were sent with my mother's mom....my memaw. My dad at the time was staying with his mom....my granny. Five days later or so....he left me there. My granny always told me the story of how she came home and there I was sitting on her couch dirty, with my hair all over my head, with this raggedy dress on .she said she took me and gave me a bath, and went and bought me some clothes. She said I couldn't wear shoes for a week because I had blisters on the bottom of my feet. Since that day I lived with her. Growing up with my granny was nice. She was strict....I was one of those kids that had to be in the house when it started to get dark. I dressed okay...I was always clean. My mother and father were in and out of mylife a lot when I was younger. Even though they would always get my hopes up and let me down I still believed in them. I guess that is what young children do. I remember writing my dad letters when he was in jail.receiving bday cards from him. I remember visiting my mom in rehab and she would always say that it was her last time...but it never was. I remember this one time me and my sister got into and my mom like really beat me up. I remember my granny being so mad and she took pictures of my face because I was all bruised up and I had a black eye. That day my granny kept me from my mom. So on Christmas I would always go spend christmas with my memaw and my two sisters. I wanted to be close to my sisters but they use to always take up for each other...I guess maybe because they were raised together. I was the one always making good grades and doing good in school and I think they were a little jealous of how everyone use to always be proud of me. I remember thinking my memaw loved them more than she loved me because she was always buying them things. Dnt get me wrong in the summer we use to go to the family reunion's and have a blast. We use to have a lot of fun together when we were kids. By this time there were nine of us. My mom gave a set of twins up for adoption and a younger sister....which I will blog about later. Confusing to me why she would have nine children and not take care of them. There would be one point in time where they would live with her for a short period of time...but no not me....my granny was not having that. So I always felt left out. I loved my granny to death but I just wanted that love I guess. I remember another time my granny allowed me to go spend the night over my moms...under one condition she would not leave. 3' o'clock that same night me and my sister ended up arguing over a fan (I was like 10 then). My sister called my granny and she came and got me...my mother was nowhere to be found. On my way driving to my grannys my granny stopped at a corner and there was my mother....on a hoe stroll. I went home and I cried and I cried. I remember asking myself why? What did I do that was so wrong to deserve this. I guess that's where it all started.... the crying. Everytime I would get mad or upset I would go in my room and cry. Then I started to write a lot. My granny she tried her best but she had hwer moments. She use to tell me that I was gonna end up like my mother...not all the time though. She use to tell me that I wasn't pretty and I look just like my mom. Somewhere down the line idk me and my dad's relationship went sour. I think he was jealous and hated the fact that my granny would always take my defense. For a while he hated me.
I lost my virginity when I was 14 about to be 15...my freshman year to a boy named travis. Me and travis ended up being together for 4 years.... during those four years so much happened he cheated on me, had a baby on me,evwrything. I am being honest right? I cheated on him to..I was young and I misplaced sex for love or wanting to be love. See I can admit that now because I am grown and mature enough to say that without caring about anyone judging me. I wasn't a hoe I wasn't gettn trains ran on me or no shit like that. But can I be honest...I was promisquous...lol however you spell it. At one point in time I think I was scared of telling someone no. My numbers aren't that high but looking back I would have done some things different. I have always been in relationships, and I have had relationships inside relationships. I had a void that I was trying to fill and I was going about it the wrong way. There are a lot of details I am leaving out because I am going to write them their own blogs. But for the most part while I was in high school I started being rebellious. My granny was strict and I thought I had found the love of my life...travis. So I started skipping school to be with him. I ended up having to go to night school mon through thurs. Just to graduate on time.stupid to be so smart..because I was smart. I just wasn't focused on what I should have been. Me and my granny ended up falling out over travis so I moved in with him and his mom. What was I thinking. I got a settlement back form when I got hit by a car when I was 16, so I used that money to go to central state. When I left to go to central I became cool on travis. I was at central boppin a little.new atmosphere..new things. I went home for break and another relationship... with anthony. I got back to school and wanted to be with him so I came home one weekend and never went back. I started living with anthony and his mom...things were good for a while then everything went downhill form there. he started to hang around a different crowd and he changed for the worst. He cheated...but again I did to at first but then after 6months I realized it was no point so I started being faitful. And I stayed faithful, but he wasn't. We did the back and forth thing like me a travis. We started getting pyhisical call everything. I wasn't doing anything with my life so I decided to up and leave and go to the military.....and this is where I am going to stop and pick up on later.